Thursday, February 24, 2011

At least you know I take showers


An optimist, a pessimist and Glenn Beck walked into a bar. They saw a half filled glass sitting on the counter. The optimist saw the glass as half full. The pessimist saw the glass as half empty. Glenn Beck saw a conspiracy in which the glass, gravity and the international jihadist movement were keeping the water from being free.

I thought of that in the shower this morning after I had rinsed off. The problem with thinking about Glenn Beck after the rinse is that you need to soap up again to get clean.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Club 10,000


Glenn Beck is right. In response to Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move anti-obesity campaign he said, "Get away from my French fries, Mrs. Obama. First politician that comes up to me with a carrot stick, I've got a place for it. And it's not in my tummy."

Sarah Palin is right accusing the First Lady of "not wanting us to have dessert." Yes, all red meat conservatives know that if the Obamas are for it, it must be bad.

Sure, telling kids to eat right and exercise sounds good, but there must be a catch, because we all know that the radical Obama agenda ends in a loss of freedom and our subjugation.  Greens today, gulags tomorrow.

So how can you show that you are a patriot? It is time to not stand up for freedom, to join in our non-movement. . It is time to show the food police that you are not their chump. It is time to join Club 10,000.

To join Club 10,000 there are no membership lists (we can’t let Big Brother have a road map to our houses can we?). To participate in Club 10,000 there are no fees. There is only the commitment to show Obama that they can’t push us around by eating 10,000 calories a day and by exercising as little as possible.

Why eat carrots when carrot cake will do? Don’t cook with canola when Liberty Lard is already on your shelf. Make sure that your Independence Ice Cream is super premium, after all, you deserve the best and nothing tells Obama in your face like stuffing yours.

Once you commit to Club 10,000 show the world your commitment with a Club 10,000 t-shirt. We have several designs to make your body your billboard. Whether you are headed to your doctor to check your blood pressure, or buying Metamucil at Wal-Mart, or just Twinkies at the 7-11 tell the world “I cannot be moved. No really, I can’t move”. T-shirts are available in sizes starting at 2XL for the new initiate, up to a more healthy 7XL for the truly red faced super patriot.

Food is Freedom, and you can never get enough.